I was playing a round with my brother the other day. When my brother and I play against each other it’s very competitive. We’re equally bad at golf and we are competitive by nature so we don’t just want to win, we want to kick each other’s butt.
On the first hole, a par four, I pared and he got a double-bogey. On the second hole, a par five, he pared and I got a double-bogey. So stepping up to the par three third we were both two over. Both of our tee shots landed on the green, about 12 feet from the pin. I two putted, he 3 putted, so again I was winning. Stepping off the green my brother said to me, “You’re short game's getting a lot better.”
“Yeah,” I replied. “Since I got this new putter I haven’t three putted yet.”
And that's when it happened. Somewhere in Golf-God Land, the Golf Gods were minding their own business. I can picture it: There they are, long robes flowing, practicing pitching on some perfect range. When suddenly their peaceful retreat is broken by a loud thunderclap and they hear my voice, like the voice of a baseball announcer over an intercom. “Yeah,” they hear. “Since I got this new putter I haven’t three putted yet.”
I can see them look at each other, rub their hands together, and laugh.
So on the par five fourth, my brother's on the green in four. The green is tiered and the hole is on the upper tier. I'm also laying four, but my ball's on the fringe, also on the upper tier about 10 feet from the hole, so it should be an easy two putt, right? Wrong.
My first putt goes below the hole, catches the slope of the tier, and rolls about fifteen feet down the green. I scorch my second putt about eight feet past the hole. Now I’m above the hole, on a downward slope, and I tap it too hard and it again rolls passed the hole, and continues rolling so my next putt is almost the same as my second. I two putt from there for a total of five putts and a score of nine for the hole.
And the Golf Gods get a belly buster before looking for the next fool to dare challange their domain.