Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Corny Golf Jokes

A gushy reporter told Phil Michelson, "You are spectacular, your name is synonymous with the game of golf. You really know your way around the course. What's your secret?"

Michelson replied, "The holes are numbered"

Buh-dup-dum

A young man and a priest are playing together. At a short par-3 the priest asks, "What are you going to use on this hole my son?" The young man says, "An 8-iron, father. How about you"?

The priest says, "I'm going to hit a soft seven and pray."

The young man hits his 8-iron and puts the ball on the green. The priest tops his 7-iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards. The young man says, "I don't know about you father, but in my church when we pray, we keep our head down."

Buh-dup-dum

Police are called to an apartment and find a woman holding a bloody 5-iron standing over a lifeless man. The detective asks, "Ma'am, is that your husband?"

"Yes" says the woman.

"Did you hit him with that golf club?"

"Yes, yes, I did." The woman begins to sob, drops the club, and puts her hands on her face.

"How many times did you hit him?"

"I don't know, five, six, maybe seven times..... just put me down for a five."

Buh-dup-dum

A golfer teed up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit his ball into a clump of trees. He found his ball and saw an opening between two trees he thought he could hit through. Taking out his 3-wood, he took another mighty swing; the ball hit a tree, bounced back hit him in the forehead and killed him.

As he approached the gates of Heaven, St. Peter saw him coming and asked, "Are you a good golfer," to which the man replied, "Got here in two, didn't I?"

Buh-dup-dum

The bride came down the aisle and when she reached the altar the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs at his side.
She said: "What are your golf clubs doing here?"

He looked her right in the eye and said, "This isn't going to take all day, is it?"

Buh-dup-dum

I'll be here all week. Tell your friends.

Cheers!

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11 comments:

The Armchair Golfer said...

Hey, I thought this was Bad Golf, not Bad Jokes. Just kidding. I like 'em. Got here in two, didn't I? That's funny.

Jam Boy said...

Here's another short joke that comes to mind:

A woman is receiving a playing lesson from her local professional and she's asking how she might be able to get a little more distance off the tee.

"Well let's see your grip."

She grips the club firmly.

"Well, see now that's your problem. You're gripping the club to hard. Grip the club like you'd hold your husbands' penis."

Pause. She does as she's told and whiffs the ball off of the tee.

"Alright Mrs. Johnson, now take the grip out of your mouth and let's try this again."

bobo said...

good joke.

bobsblog said...

Funny stuff!
Help's brighten the day.

lucky13 said...

I like the jokes. Always good to read some golf jokes.

The Artful Golfer said...

good ones! hope you keep posting. I enjoy your unique content. btw, I've added your blog to my new list of nearly 200 golf blogs. Let me know if you're aware of any I missed.

Artful Golf Blogs

Roger said...

Excellent golf jokes all i have to do now s try and remember them.

Anonymous said...

Golfisms

http://www.pedagonet.com/brain/golfcliches.htm

golf malaga said...

Good jokes, let's have a few more. Maybe we can send some in?

Stephen said...

Definition for 4-putt: what happens next after driving the green on a 350-yd par 4.

icugolfstories.com said...

I've Heard Them All. Someone give me one or more that are unique DAVID
icugolfstories.com